Comments on 'Totality'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Emberra Owen
New! Entered: 2015-01-26
Oh an eclipse story, too cool! I love that Farscout is watching humans doing something as mundane as cleaning a carcass when this happened, it reminds you that this could happen at any point, doesn't matter what your doing. I also enjoyed seeing Lynx caution Brightwood and Farscout on the dangerous marvel.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2012-03-18
I loved how neatly the flashbacks and the present flowed into each other in this story! A great reminder that our elves are so long-lived that they could actually know elves who had witnessed such a phenomena themselves and even managed to see it twice themselves. The repetition of Lynx' line made it come circle very beautifully.
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2012-01-06
For someone who is quick to complain about flashback scenes as unnecessary... it sure is a story-telling device I wind up using a LOT! Considering the long lives of many of our characters, it's sometimes almost a required device if you want to show the impact of a character's life experience. But I still hate them, tho'. And I cringe every time I overuse 'm! :)
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2011-09-14
Awesome! Science rocks. I loved how you showed such a different reaction -- fear vs. wonder -- between the humans and the elves, and all the parallels you drew, such as it being three hunters in each group. I thought, especially, that human's prayer was a really nice touch. In a way, it was like comparing an early-man culture to our own modern one (with our now-better recorded scientific history, whereas the elves actually KNEW generations who had physically seen it before). I have to agree with everyone else, the flashbacks worked wonderfully! It was like seeing into Farscout's head as his memory meshed with his current experience.
Megan McCarthy
New! Entered: 2011-07-25
It was really neat how you switched back and forth between the two time periods, and how they contrasted with each other but were tied together with Lynx's line repeated centuries later. It really shows just how much Farscout's life has changed.
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2011-07-08
I love how smoothly the flashbacks and the now weaved into each other. Really great. I could see the whole scene unfold before my eyes. Wonderfully.
It;s almost a rule but everything that had to do with Farscout had this melancholic note. Lovely.
I agree. The human's panic felt very real and I loved how he repeated Lynx words in the end....
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-25
Farscout's flashbacks, the humans panic and the incredibly detailed description of the eclipse made this story a thoroughly enjoyable read. The cuts to past events flowed very well and Farscout's echoing of Lynx' words was touching.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2010-03-10
. Poor Farscout... the sense of loss that he feels again is powerful. And I enjoyed your depiction of the eclipse, told in two different time periods.
Beth K.
New! Entered: 2007-06-13
I got chills with the repeated phrases! I loved that touch.
Ellen Million
New! Entered: 2007-05-29
Wonderful symmetry! It's easy to use flashbacks poorly, but you use them to great effect here and they really make the story feel full-circle.
Vicki Stephenson
New! Entered: 2007-05-26
I like how you used the past and present to tell this story. The ending pulled it all together and gave it a real melancholy feel.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2007-05-25
Don't sell yourself or this story short, Whit! I really liked the sense of history that this story is imbued with -- the way it gets across the long, long lives that elves can lead. And it's always nice to see the strong connections that present-day elves have with characters who aren't present -- that being a strong theme for Farscout. The poignancy comes through very well, here.
Linda Aarts
New! Entered: 2007-05-25
Nice job! I love the flashbacks that fade in the future neatly, and the melancholy of Farscout's last words. It almost made me feel sorry for him, that he's not enabled to see the beauty of the eclipse with Brightwood.
Heidi Henderson
New! Entered: 2007-05-25
Whit, I really liked the glimpses we got of those gone (or, at least, not present) and how they reacted the last time this event occurred. I also really love how you've closed; really got a sense of something full-circle happening there. I also really liked how the elves in both your story and Holly's used similar methods of describing and looking at the eclipse. Intentional or not, it really gave a sense of cohesion with the tribe regarding the event.
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