Comments on 'Wasp'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2015-12-19
|Blacksnake's quiet grief was so striking here. It's not often that we see him like this, which makes it incredibly powerful. Beautifully written, and achingly sad, even if it is the way. I really liked the little touch of comparing Crackle to Windsong.|
New! Entered: 2015-12-18
|Woah, that was one gut-punch! And I mean that in the best of ways. The challenge between Halfmoon and Wasp was a good "red herring", since that's how many of the wolve are lost. I did not see the situation with the bears coming. Quite a roller coaster, and reading of Blacksnake's tears at the end of the story made me teary-eyed too.|
New! Entered: 2015-11-21
|Oh nooos! |
But I really enjoyed reading this. It happened so fast and was so final I can imagine how stunned everyone was. This was like a real slice from life.
I also enjoyed the dynamics between Otter and Quick Fang. For once the wild elf seemed very wise in her fundamental understanding of life and the Now.
New! Entered: 2015-11-08
|Oh, so sad. The final lines were what got me, more than the action or the consequences. I really appreciate how you detail wolf behavior and the pack, and how you point out that while the wolves are bonded, they're not slaves to their riders. A great reminder, though with sad consequences.|
New! Entered: 2015-07-04
|This was great Whintey. It took quite a different road then I thought it would, but that made it even better in my humble opinion. I like the showcase of how pack-intern conflicts can play out not only in wolf fighting for dominance with each other but also by extending to fight to prove will and strength otherwise. |
I like how you wrote for each of these characters here too. How clearly they are different. Quick Fang' gruff and down to earth matter is still different from the sharpness of Blacksnake's practical way of thought. I like too that Quick Fang here is shown as a wolf-like elf but still not reckless and wild in the way you'd imagine. She is more considerate yet still has this edge to her.
Otter and Crackle also played off well of each other and I like how Blacksnake looks at them. Being responsible for them and partly being reminded of traits in himself and Quick Fang (and Windsong). YOu always make the tribe feel so close and as if they lifed together for years and years. I so envy this talent.
But most I love how you wriote Blacksnake here. He's clearly shaken by his loss and emotional but he's still Blacksnake... it's nice to see this side of him and that he still can move on and grief at the same time, knowing that's what nature is.
The wolf interaction was also great. It's always fun to think of Evervale of all elves having such an ambitious and aggressive bound.
There is so much to talk about here. I could ramble on for hours but I promise I won't. ;)
All said. Great character and wolf interaction. Love "Yellowtop" and the hunting scene. It's been a very tragic loss but a fantastic story!
New! Updated: 2015-06-26
|Thank you for a wonderful lunch time treat Whitney ! *raises coffee cup* |
My heart raced and my mind's eye saw wolves and riders jumping over my head [a worm's eye view STS - or so to speak] then skidding to a ground trampling stop at the kill. Niiiice.
And with misty eyes; I agree with Quick Fang "Dead is dead".
New! Entered: 2015-05-25
|This was so heartbreaking and so real!! And poor Blacksnake has to also deal with youthful Otter, and be all mentor-like to the rest of the younger elves.. I wonder how he would react if he were alone. Wow. Really good story!|