Comments on 'A Recognized Shift'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2016-01-18
|This story has a trippy feel to it, to be honest. I had a hard time following the scenes with Dreamflight and Beetle. I do like how Beetle helps Dreamflight to focus on the now, and how that leads Dreamflight to open up to her crush... that was a good shift. I also like that you've been working to develop Dreamflight. I think that the trippy sense to it actually fits her.|
New! Entered: 2015-03-30
|It's good to see a follow-up to "Remembering", dealing with the idea that there are still issues lingering from that experience, for everyone. That the realization that Beetle led Dreamflight to at the end of it wasn't just a fix for everything, and Dreamflight still has things to work out -- that definitely rings true! She's not all the way there yet, but you can see her taking some of the steps.|
New! Entered: 2015-02-07
|I am really glad to see you continuing on with filling in Dreamflight a bit more. It's nice to see her develop through the relationships she has with others. |
I like seeing that Dreamflight and her parents are working thorough their problems and starting to be more comfortable with each other. It does, to me, feel like it's been kind of a quick resolution based on the last story, so I am kind of glad that there's this lingering doubt on Dreamflight's part that Greenweave's love is only for her younger self. They've had such problems for so long, I think it would be hard to get out of that mental state of doubting their relationship. I look forward to seeing how you work with this.
I did find that last part kind of weird. Beetle would be one of the last elves I would think of to mentor in wolf-thought. I would also say that Dreamflight needs to go in the other direction. She needs to not focus so much on what she's feeling right now, but kind of the whole picture and how they got to where they are. But I'm glad that her meditation practices seem to be giving her some peace.
New! Entered: 2015-02-04
|Ohohoho! Now a bit of a crush is a sure thing to smooth things over - I wonder who it is after all this time?|
I really like the flashback showing her relationship with Whispersilk and, in general, showing that Dreamflight has her own personality! She's been Ms Grumpypants for so long I think people have forgotten that, really, she is a nice person and just as complex as any other elf.
New! Entered: 2015-02-03
|It's nice to see Whispersilk given some attention again and as one of Dreamflight's closest friends as well. I did like the first part and seeing Dreamflight as, indeed, a dreamer and philosopher in her own right. She did bring up some question I could imagine a romantic and spiritual soul might bring up and someone more down to earth might not even think about. |
There were nice glimpses into how Dreamflight views Recognition and romance which clashes nicely with how her own family ended up. But it's nice to see the water has smoothed for her parents somewhat.
What kinda through me off here was Beetle's reaction to see her friend cry. I mean.. she didn't even ask what she had but right away told her "Go into the Now". It's kinda... iffy to me since the pain she feels that moment IS a matter of the "Now" in my eyes. She's worried and hurt that she can not handle the current situation ^^' It might root in the past but it is happening now. If that makes sense ... (also I find it curious that Beetle gets on her for thinking too much. After all Beetle is the one wanting to explore everything and over thinks a lot of stuff herself?)
Anyway the gift was a nice touch ad a cute idea.
The song was also a very nice touch and very, very lovely. A nice romantic one as well which dose fit into the story again. And of course I wonder who the elf might be that caught Dreamflight's eye.