Comments on 'Crystal Springs'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2015-04-30
|Good use of this format. Such a simple death, sudden and unexpected, and sometimes that's just how it happens. There's not necessarily any sense in it, and that can be the most poignant thing.|
New! Entered: 2014-08-13
|You nearly made me cry! Poor Dusk! Poor Toss! |
You could tell how excited Dusk was to be out doing this, and to have his time cut short like that just broke my heart. For Toss to see that and not be able to save his own cub is horrible.
This story flowed really well, good writing.
New! Entered: 2013-09-25
|The image of Dusk's limping wolf-friend insisting on carrying him home is what broke me. This was damn painful, in the best of ways, and beautifully written!|
New! Entered: 2013-06-30
|Such a sad event. I almost felt a sense of foreboding before the actual tragedy happened, but perhaps that's because I knew what was going to eventually happen. Nice job of capturing the emotions of the moment.|
New! Entered: 2013-06-23
|Oh nooos! What a tragic turn of events! But well, that's how accidents happen, eh? I liked how the poem gives of this "that's how it is and how it could happen to you any time" in a neutral, desciptive and accepting way.|
New! Entered: 2013-06-22
|I try to decide if I like it that this is written in a poem or not. I think the short nature here dose work on one level but on another not really, at least for me. It's very detailed and I think it's also very striking in it'S shortness. I mean the moment Dusk found his end was also very short and striking. It dose tell a story in itself as well. |
Personally I kinda wished it had ended earlier to give the right punch to it (after the deaths of young Dusk without showing the scout to arrive and pick them up, but that's more a personal thing ;) )
All that said, I think there are a lot of very striking images and phrases in this. Very touching story. very good imagery.
Poor Dusk and poor Toss. It's scary how quick a fun day can change into such a tragic one. By the snip of a finger..
New! Updated: 2013-06-21
|So descriptive! A happy occasion so suddenly turning to tragedy.|