Comments on 'The Gathering Storm (Part 5)'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2016-12-29
|I loved to see Goldspice in the role as acting-chief. Give the girl some spot-light! The idea with SHOWING the boys how boring "heroism" is was genious. I am wondering how the Holt would fare with her in case she needed to fully replace Windburn one day...|
New! Entered: 2016-05-12
|The Plains Wolves being freaked out by Farscout's bow was great foreshadowing about what was to come at the end of this section! I don't know if you knew it was foreshadowing when you wrote this, but great job!!|
Rill HAS to get in trouble now ~ it's literary law! LOL! I (personally) love that Dreamflight is coming into her own in a crisis, and is not all about her emotional quagmire anymore. Hopefully this will clear her head.
Pathmark looks shocked and horrified at One-Leg's plans and criticisms of the chief. Notice that it's old news to Notch that his father is this way. You can tell One-Leg's been talking like that for ages re: the humans and Windburn's leadership.
New! Entered: 2014-05-30
|I love those set-piece opening and closing scenes, of course; and I think my favorite part about them is how both are underlaid by wolf behavior dynamics. You get a really clear picture in both how the wolves have their own instincts and agendas, almost, and how those can pose a challenge to the elves who are their friends, but who don't really "control" them. It's an extra complication that the elves just have to deal with. And I really like how much trouble Blacksnake has with getting Wasp to back down. ;-) It's a nice look at the idea that getting to ride the chief-wolf is a complicated thing.|
New! Entered: 2014-02-22
|I agree, this part has a dynamite first line! |
So sad to read about Brindlefur. I was relieved that he was an unbonded wolf- not that their lives are worth less, but because the no one needs the trauma of losing their wolf partner in this precarious situation...
Oh dear, I foresee some trouble with little Rill. I love the way Goldspice is portrayed in her new/temporary chief position. I can really relate to the bit about it not being hard for her EXCEPT with the cubs. Even though I work with children, I get this feeling sometimes. The littlest nuts can be the hardest to crack.
New! Entered: 2014-02-12
|Nooooo, poor Brindlefur! Though I'm not really complaining, that scene was intense and the revelation of the Fierce Ones' improved tech a real game changer; loved that scene most of all!|
New! Entered: 2013-12-18
|The wolves running from the bow at the beginning - beautiful scene setting, and great foreshadowing. It's so tense with the almost-fight, and really gives a great, mood-setting introduction to this chapter! |
Back "home" is just as good a read with the cubs' personalities shining through so brightly. Goldspice really comes into her own here with the leadership role.
Seeing Pathmark, One Leg and Notch interact was fantastic too, Notch and One Leg are fantastic mood lighteners, despite the seriousness of the situation their mannerisms always crack me up! Great "break" before getting back to the scouts...
Oh, you do such a good job with building the tension and the fear. You're writing this so vividly, it's a definite pleasure to read, even when the events are traumatic...
New! Updated: 2015-01-13
|Oh, I think this was the most tense part of the story yet. The initial encounter with the other wolfpack, though, was nothing compared to the last scene (tension-wise). Oh, how close they were! I wonder... will Brightwood and other bow-makers now work to make better bows, to see why the human ones are so superior?|
2015: the parallels between how notch treats beauty and how One-Leg treats his son are interesting to realize :)
New! Entered: 2012-12-31
|I love how you chose to use the two scenes with immediate danger for the scouts to bookend this! It really drives home how they have the most dangerous part of the whole deal right now. Poor Brindlepelt! I also really liked the wolf pack trouble - it makes clear that even though the humans are our tribe's most pressing worry at the moment, the rest of the world is still dangerous and can make things worse in a flash. Really wondering if there's more to that wolf pack than meets the eye ...|
The other two scenes were quieter but also showed how tense and hard the situation is for everyone. I liked seeing Goldspice acting as chief and especially loved how she handled the lesson for Rill about "being heroes" (even if it was not that successful). Dreamflight's cheerfulness and practical thinking was great to see, too.
And Notch and One-Leg - uh-oh! I found it great to see where Notch obviously gets his scheming from and how easily One-Leg looks through his son. I think he has a point, too, but whatever they plan sounds pretty risky, too. I hope Pathmark can act as a bit of a tempering influence on those two!
Overall, great work again! I'm looking forward to more!
New! Entered: 2012-12-29
|I've really been enjoying this story arc. I like the amount of detail, how well you illustrated cause and effect with the stranger-wolves odd behavior in relation to the FOs. I feel like Blacksnake's brain is a busy hive of realizations and dangerous possibilities now. Looking forward to more.|
New! Entered: 2012-12-29
|The first sentence already had me. It build so much tension! Altogether the first part had a nice scene of tension to it. And it left me even more interested in the other wolf pack. It seems they made very bad experience with archers. It was a great look into the wolf pack and how wolves react to each other. Loved the underlying tension and atmosphere as well. The scene that Blacksnake, Farscout and Brightwood are on a dangerous mission came through. I really dig how you managed to get the atmosphere of a clear winter day across without rubbing it in. |
Oh I enjoy seeing Goldspice taking her role as chief here and how she deals with it. I think the last bit of this part is a very fitting way to put it into perspective. It's a hard position. I like how you gave us insight into Goldspice and therefore a little what it means to have the burden of being responsible for all.
I also really like Dreamflight here. It's always good to see her outside the context of her personal drama. Goldspice's lesson about "being hero" was also very nicely picked. Even if it didn't end up being as useful with the most important target audience ;)
Oh boy. I think Beauty is growing into my favorite wolf-frind. certainly the most interesting by now. It's just something about that fellow that fits Notch so well. I love the interaction between rider and wolf here so much. And.-.. somehow I found One-Leg had a good point here, even if I understand that there is a firm risk in his plan as well. Love how Pathmark is the humble source of peace here between One-Leg and his son. It seems he is the odd one out but maybe his influence is needed ^^' The end of this part was just .. fun and suspenseful as well. This story line sure get's more and more epic.
O_O Last part. Much to close! I really feared for this to turn into ugly action. Altogether well woven story. No good news this time. I love the idea with the crow and the weapons... nasty outlook indeed. Very tense scene Whitney. I had it all before my inner eye. Movie worth, really.
New! Entered: 2012-12-25
|My favorite part of writing this one is simply getting to explore more about the Fierce Ones. It's terrible news for the Holt that they're outgunned! I do wish I were an artist -- I had such a fun mental image of the two human scouts and what their banter was, that I'd love to rewrite this scene someday from their POV!|