Comments on 'Mountain Near Big Lake'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

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Whitney Ware
New! Updated: 2014-01-28
Nonoli's lack of recognition for what kind of stone this was conflicts with what I wrote in "Greenstone Mountain", where Farscout and Brightwood discuss how the tribe's traditional quarry for colored obsidian has been given up to the Baha, who are described as traveling to that area every year to gather obsidian for their own use. EDITED: D'oh! Okay, this is backdated five years after the Baha's arrival, to mark their discovery of Greenstone Mountain -- that makes sense now! The telling/not showing style does again makes this feel rushed -- it would have a lot more pop and life to it if we were shown the conversation between Nonoli and her husband here.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2012-12-17
Tamyon and Nonoli make such a great pair - you did a great job showing how well she knows her husband, and how she is not just the "housewife," but observant and intelligent, and asking her own questions!
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-12-12
Thanks, guys! I'm glad you liked the story. :) I came up with the idea of doing the style without direct dialogue in "quotes" mainly because I'm so unfamiliar with the RTH human speech patterns! So I guess it was a creative way for me to get around my own ignorance there, LOL. :P I had a lot of fun with this clue especially, and for me the culture was highly influenced by what little I know about assorted Native American tribes, which the Bukno-Baha remind me of a bit!
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2012-12-06
Really interesting "storytelling style" to this, but even though it doesn't contain actual dialogue, I like how it presents the interaction between Tamyon and Nonoli -- which isn't just her passively hearing the story, but bringing her own knowledge and questions to it. It makes them look like a well-suited couple.
Megan McCarthy
New! Entered: 2012-10-31
I love that you chose to do a human story for this clue! These two make such a cute husband/wife pair, and I got a good sense of their dynamic with each other just by your descriptions of their actions (no dialogue needed!).
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2012-09-19
I really like to see the affection between Nonoli and Tamyon, here. It's kinda cute how he proudly tells from his adventure and she herself gets proud of her husband in return.
Great, that you created a human story from this Treasure Hunt clue.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2012-09-12
Yay, human story! I really liked this - as Mel said, it's very interesting that you only worked with indirect speech here. The affection between Tamyon and Nonoli comes across very well here and is very sweet to see :).
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2012-09-10
Very nice. It's interesting that you choose not to use any direct dialog for this but instead went all along with the indirect speech.
This little look into the humans discovering their new homeland is very sweet. I do like the way Nonoli and Tamyon come off here :)
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