Comments on 'Paradise Lost'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2016-02-01
I can see Crackle growing up here ~ feeling a new emotion, facing a real threat, and maturely (as she can be) dealing with it.

Fadestar is coming into her own strength ~ I appreciated the line where she wonders whether she's Improving or if True Edge is getting old!

Great snippet!!
Beth K.
New! Entered: 2014-04-01
Great read! I love how palpable the tension is here. You do a wonderful job in getting the atmosphere down. I felt almost as on-edge as the elves in reading it, waiting for something big to happen. I really like seeing the dynamics between Fadestar and Crackle - such different characters, and the way they're dealing with the situation is so realistic for each of them! Beautiful descriptions of the scenery around the caves too - makes me miss wintery mountains, no matter how bleak they can be. :)
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2014-02-13
Seeing how this tense situation affects the younger members of the tribe who're not quite cubs and not quite adults, and who've grown up with the legends. Crackle especially was interesting, seeing her voice the fact - if only to herself - that living in stories like the ones she likes to tell kinda sucks big time. Great friendship moment also!
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2012-12-10
Not only is this wonderful for seeing the way events impact the various youngsters, but what I really appreciate here is that Crackle's reactions, in particular, are so imperfect. What I mean is that she struggles with expressing what she's feeling, or even with whether it's okay to express it at all, and in the process shuts herself off from her friends (even if briefly), adding a little to their burden when that's the last thing she wants. And that's such a REAL thing to have happen, that I like seeing it play out here. Well done!
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2012-08-14
Finally I read the whole thing. I have to say I really like the atmosphere you did build here. It's also good to get some feel about how the general feel at Blue Stone Cave is at the moment (It also made me think that Newt must spent quite a time alone with the shapers while his friends are on the hunt)

I liked how you showed the impact this event has on the youngsters who are not quite grown up but no cubs anymore either. It's a tough time to be in between I think.
Crackle's sense of responsibility seems like a burden to her and I like how both girls seem to feel the same but deal with it so differently.

I kinda also liked to see a little of Otter here. ^^

Thanks for this one :)
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-08-02
I loved the way you kept switching between the two POVs! The whole way this story laid out, it showcased their friendship in this scary time. I think my favorite part was about how the Fierce Ones smelled! LOL! I also loved seeing the girls starting to relax almost as they started chatting like things were almost normal, and yet the fear is obviously still there. Great job! :)
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2012-07-18
I love this fic, Linda! It's wonderful to see how alike these two characters are, and yet how very different. And it's interesting as well to watch how their differing life experiences continue to shape them, as they reach for maturity and adult roles at different speeds. Such wonderful crunchy character work here!
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2012-07-10
I really enjoy seeing how the individual elves deal with the ramifications of the Fierce Ones' return, and you managed to create a very tense, foreboding atmosphere here. I also liked to see that despite her taste for the scary, Crackle's reaction to actual scary stuff is very realistic nevertheless, and it was very nice to see the two girls share their fears.
One minor critique: I found that you had a few too many shifts of the POV in there - it was throwing me a bit to feel like we were jumping from Crackle's head to Fadestar's within the span of two sentences on occasion.
But apart from that, great work :)!
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2012-07-02
The title is so fitting!
Good to see people picking up the recent story line and it was interesting to see how the youngsters deal with it. It seems Crackle was shaken awake and the FO's arrival let her grew up more quickly.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2012-06-27
I think you did a fantastic job creating a feeling of anxiety and the sense of forboding that must be on the tribe during this time. And I really like how you added to the dynamics of the younger members' relationships!
Laura Melis
New! Entered: 2012-06-26
I remember reading the snipets of this when it was in the works and such. What a pleasure to read it as a whole. I really liked the way you did the intro, using the winter and how it changed the look of the land. The interaction between the characters is so warm and realistic feeling. It's a good way to get to know them better and I love the way Fadestar digs around to find out what's got Crackle so wound up. I think the youngsters will be having plenty of adventures together....
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