Comments on 'The Children Come First'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2016-03-30
That was kind of brutal to read LOL! It was so intense that he had to disobey his Chief for survival! Whoa!
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2014-12-29
I am impressed how you knit together the family connections and the connections between the ancestors back then. That must have taken some research time. :)
Emberra Owen
New! Entered: 2014-08-13
Wow, this was really intense. You can really tell how hard its been for them after the fire. Toss is truly amazing in this, he really seems pushed beyond his limits to help the cubs survive, its truly remarkable. He doesn't seem to stay in the now with this which I really like, he remembers other cubs that have passed away which is a terrible burden.
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2013-09-25
Poor Toss, what a burden to shoulder - even though he doesn't shoulder it alone he gives the impression of true desperation, which is understandable and very heart-wrenching. Losing children is always horrible and seeing them wilt away is horrific. Very well captured.
Laura Melis
New! Entered: 2012-08-08
I think what I enjoyed the most from this sad tale is the p.o.v that it was taken from. He really reaches your heart, not just with the telling, but with the way he tells it. I think it's extra touching how he reveals his cherished feelings about his kinsmen. Wonderful account of the intimacy of the holt as a whole. It was a short but powerful story. Thanks for sharing. :)
Joanne P.
New! Entered: 2012-08-04
I love the way that you have described the relationships between all the characters, it's sometimes easy to forget what a small community they have and how they are all interconnected. Even with all the characters mentioned, I think you did a really good job of giving each of them a distinct personality and especially in conveying Toss's feeling of loss and how it drives his desire to help, even to his own detriment
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-04-22
Oh, wow! Yes, very intense indeed... I find I agree with Melanie that this choice is not a smart one, and find myself wondering how much good he'l do any cub dead in the snow. Still, I have to deeply respect the importance he puts on the children, even if I might question his methods. Beautiful, beautiful story!
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2012-04-16
I really like how you give some of the ancestors a bit more personalty here :) Also really like how you showed the buildup with the hunger crises and how the Now did give them such a hard time here. It really makes you appreciate the foresight we have now in the tribe.
It's a very intesne and heartfelt story. The feel a parent would have, a tribemember would have for the cubs is reavy heartbreaking and yet I have to admit I was more angry with Toss then touched. I see where he's coming from but as I see it.. no one gains anything if he goes out alone and dies trying. It often touches people when others go that far but I always felt angry about this kind of scarify.
Yet it's really a strong and intense story. Thanks for this one :)
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2012-04-03
This is a powerful glimpse of the tribe during a difficult time.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2012-03-29
I'm glad to see a look at the "starving period" in the tribe's history that's been referenced before. This was definitely very intense.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2012-03-28
Wow ... Honestly, I'm at a loss for words. This is so intense, simply breathtaking. I guess all I can say is: Thank you for this wonderful piece of writing and this insight in the thoughts of a remarkable elf!
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