Comments on 'First Patrol'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2015-12-15
I loved all of this! From Windburn surprising Fadestar by saying "Yes". To FarScout's "we leave at noon" and the sudden panic of packing. True Edge's warnings about the scout and Fadestar believing its reality. I could FEEL the tension of his silence and her having to prove herself. Her falling out of the tree ~ I could FEEL that mortification! But then them sharing the ultimate Bonding Moment from surviving a near human encounter... and that he DOES need her and thank the gods she went with him! ... I always wondered why Farscout would consistently go out alone. I know he is talented and all, but that seems like a sudden yet inevitable disaster waiting to happen (considering centuries and anything can happen).
Tah-marien F.
New! Entered: 2014-02-18
This was a great beginning!
I was riveted straight through. The pace kept up and I sooo identified with young Fadestar: and a first huge bump in life's chosen road.
Ally Raidel
New! Entered: 2014-02-16
I'm SO glad I'm late to the party and don't have to wait for the next installment of this story line. Being so fresh from the Prelude, my reaction to Farscout's seeing the Fierce Ones again- and the revelation regarding their weapons, elicited a very visceral response from me.

Additionally as this is my first intro to Fadestar, I want to say that I really enjoyed how she was handled here. It's kind of hard to explain, but I often feel that "young warrior/scout/fighter insisting upon and subsequently going on first mission" stories, can get kind of ham handed. You just get so caught up in the sheer earnestness of our young protagonist who just has to prove his/herself by golly and the whole thing comes off as some kind of vignette that was only intended to serve as a threshold crossing and not necessarily to advance the overall story. That is SO not the case here. I really enjoyed following these major revelations through her eyes.
Megan McCarthy
New! Entered: 2012-12-01
I think I've put off commenting on this story because I'm not sure what I can say that's different than all the other comments. You two did a marvelous job with this story, from the relatively benign opening of the story to the tense sighting of the Fierce Ones and Fadestar's injury. Farscout really kept his cool in that situation; Fadestar was lucky to have him there!

One thing I noticed the first time I read this is that the description of Fadestar falling almost makes it seem like she's on the brink of developing gliding ability! I wonder if that's going to happen in the future? ;)
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2012-03-29
I really enjoyed how this story switches gears, from the slow and detail-laden early parts that are just about Fadestar getting a taste of this job that she thinks she wants to do... and then WHAM, from out of the blue, a sudden threat that isn't just ANY threat but the return of the elves' worst nightmare! Way to start off a storyline. :D
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2012-03-21
This was a surprisingly FUN story to write! Linda (as always!) is a blast to work with. The hardest thing about a story like this is getting all of the little details straight -- such as how far they could realistically travel, what the weather conditions would be, and when to date each scene. I deliberately wanted to sort of "bookend" this fic with Evervale's first encounter with the Burkno Baha in "First Contact P2"; hopefully that was successful! And I think we have Holly's efforts as a beta reader to thank for coming up with our title.
Sofia Lindstr÷m
New! Entered: 2012-03-01
This had me on the edge of my seat, all the way through! I love how Fadestar's wish to be a scout and her struggle with the challenge of learning this new skill/position in the tribe intertwined with the return of the Fierce Ones. It flowed very well as a story and I'm now very inspired to go write my own stories involving the FO-thread :D
Emberra Owen
New! Entered: 2012-02-29
I really enjoyed this story, even if it took me a while to read. I like how it goes from before the patrol, shows some of just the regular partol, then event, and then seeing Fadestar off. It just gives the story more of a well rounded feel. Along with seeing how Fadestar and True Edge interact with one another, and Fadestar and Farscout. Both sets of interactions are really interesting, though not unexpected. Though, I am amazed that Farscout managed to keep his head on his shoulders in this situation. He even remembered such small details such as the bows that would have been very easy to over look.
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2012-02-28
This was really well done. I love all the little things and how organic this story feels. It all comes together. I like the buildup here, the scene we get from one of Farscout's trips and the hardship he's going through by seeing how Fadestar reacts to all the things Farscout already is used to. Also loved to see Fadestar here as someone realizing she has her limits and that she really didn't fully know what she got into and how she eventually still realized it's what she wants to do.

There is a lot of touching interaction between the two here and I really liked the sense of fear and dread at the end. Even without an actual encounter. The implications and the feel of danger and uncertain outcome here. It's a gerat way to start this.
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-02-25
WOW! As epic as they come! If this had been a hardcopy book the old phrase "I couldn't put it down" would have definitely applied -- as it is I think I singed my eyeballs a little with computer glare. =P From start to finish, it was five-senses real. I loved Fadestar's discomfiture talking to Windburn in the early scene, and the portrayal of Farscout's silent personality, warming slowly to Fadestar as she didn't expect more from him and offered as much of herself as there was to her task of scouting. I think I saw them actually growing significantly closer in this story!

And I do want to tell you: the scene with Fadestar's injury being sewn up? You got it right. You got it SO right that it was almost word for word like a conversation I had with a nurse who was trying to show me how to do home-care for a wound my father had one time -- including his insistence that I actually watch. The scene was so real that I actually got a little lightheaded and dizzy reading it, thinking back to my own experience!

I honestly expected Fadestar's life changing experience to be quite different than what it was. But the moment the clickdeer came at them.... you had me knowing what you meant. There's only one other story I've seen them do that on this site.

It's not just the major things in this story that make it what it is, either! It's the little things, like Farscout spitting on some dirt to make mud, and other such little details. I love this story and I am SUPER excited about the possibilities for what it will mean to the holt in the future!
Ron Swartzendruber
New! Entered: 2012-02-25
They're baaaa-aack! ;-}

This story was really effective, both in its portrayal of Fadestar's nervousness and worry, Farscout's quiet reassurance, and then the tension of the sudden emergency!

Also, when she fell off the branch, was that a bit of foreshadowing for a future Gliding ability?
Heidi Henderson
New! Entered: 2012-02-24
I really enjoyed reading this; it was suspenseful, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. I have to say, too, I really am enjoying seeing some of the younger elves fall into their new roles as apprentices and getting to see them learn skills and duties, too! I liked seeing the balance of reaction between someone who was relatively green to scouting vs. someone who has been scouting for years and years.
Laura Melis
New! Updated: 2012-02-24
I didn't get to comment on the story when I first finished it. I rushed off to the commment board for the forum. But here I am now. It took me two sittings to finish it. I wanted to pour over the details and get it well into mind. I love the interaction of the characters and how we are brought along with Fadestar. This will be a pivotal story for quite some time. The climax makes your heart race as one reflects on Farscout's past nightmare when dealing with these humans. Character building in this story is excellant.
:)
Kyna Hansen
New! Entered: 2012-02-22
This was a supreme and excellent surprise! Such a great read and it really went somewhere unexpected. It's got me really motivated to participate in this storyline. :D
Lyn Cavalier
New! Updated: 2014-12-31
(Added 2014: re-reading this, it's even more powerful, and the details seem more crisp n my mind. The scene with True Edge shows just how much he really cares for Fadestar. I also enjoyed the "conversation" where Farecout asks Fadestar about why she wants to hunt. The moment that brought me to near tears, though, was Fadstars realization of who the golden haired humans realy were and her reflection on that. )


This is such a well-written story. I love the details, and the character interactions. I think my favorite moment early on is TrueEdge's protectiveness, and his unsolicited, but on-the-mark advice. :) I really like how he seems to understand his foster daughter even though they aren't "close."

The next best moment is Farscout telling Fadestar about how she'll have to sew herself up "next time."

And the ending - WHAT A SHOCK for our elves! I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out!
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2012-02-22
Wow, I must admit I did not see THIS coming. But I like it!!! :)
It was very interesting to see Farscout as a mentor and how he behaved towards Fadestar... so inapproachable and close-mouthed. It is great to see him back in scouting action. But I must admit it took me by suprise to see Fadestar wanting to become a scout. For me that totally came out of the blue (or did I just miss some stories before hand??)... and that was why she did not convince me here. On the other hand this is quite likeable babout the whole situation: I would love to get convinced. So, Fadestar, work hard! :)
At the bginning, the whole conversation with Windburn was just too funny. I really enjoyed.
To get a glimpse of True Edge's and Fadestar's relationship was entertaining, too! She reminded me so much of a teenager who is just unnerved by her daddy`s advices.
The whole encounter was very dramatically written and I clung to all your words. Great job! I am so curious about what will happen next!
Thanks for this surprise!
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