Comments on 'A Very Long Walk Indeed'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2012-12-12
|I love the choice made with this story to write about such a much-anticipated event, and then to have it be so imperfect in so many ways! Isn't that something we can all sympathize with? It's great that, although the experience wasn't what Newt hoped for (time and again), we still got to see how it was a meaningful rite of passage for him, and that he learned things of lasting value from it.|
New! Entered: 2012-05-04
|Newt having a different relationship with each of his adopted fathers feelt realistic and it had a nice build-up. It was clear that Cloudfern was a little surprised by Newt asking him (I'm pretty sure he expected Newt to ask Greenweave), so him going full worry-wart-mother-hen during the packing was perfect.|
New! Entered: 2012-03-07
|Shame on me for taking so long to write a comment on this, but finally I get down to it. |
Thank you so much Hannah for this story and thanks Amy for stepping in and helping to finish it. I know you had a very hard time with this story Hannah and therefor all the more, thank you for keeping it up :) The wait was worth it!
I really like how this turned out. It seems ironic and at the same time fitting that of all elves Newt's VLW is so much less then he expected it to be. My little sunshine who always sees the good and hopeful light in any event had to be confronted with the harsh and unromantic reality of some things just being less then expected and hoped for.
I do like Newts occational outbursts from his calm and sweet nature into just being a teen like when he let his frustration take over and snap at Cloudfern. It's all coming back to not being perfect and it gives him so much more in his sweet moments.
Poor Cloudfern. I rather felt for him here. I think the way you played it off why they didn't connect as well as they maybe had under different circumstances was very realistic. The more we want something the less we get it, I sometimes think. And the awkwardness here was not by them just not matching or loving each other but simply both having such high expectations. Great work :)
I all over like this atmosphere here. The smell of a grey Autumn day was clearly in my nose. (And I just liked the scene with Fadestar. I always enjoy the two of them together sharing such an easy friendship that doesn't need much words)
New! Entered: 2012-02-09
|Oh wow this was an amazing story and an amazing Very Long Walk. I loved seeing how much Newt was expecting out of the trip and it at the beginning not going how he had hoped it would. Though you can really tell that he learned a lot from his journey, not just about plants and terrain but about his own relationship with Cloudfern.|
New! Entered: 2012-01-01
|That's a great story, Hannah and Amy! I really like seeing more of the relationship between Cloudfern and Newt and how they worked through their difficulties. I especially liked Cloudfern's admission at the end that the very thing he wanted - make the Very Long Walk something great for Newt -, his nervousness and fears were what messed the journey up. It was very realistic and a great moment, as was Newt's discovery of the herbs. Also, go Newt for tackling a Snowmouth!|
New! Entered: 2012-01-01
|And may I just say, my path toward finishing this story was much longer and rockier than I expected, so thanks to Amy for stepping in and saving me, and to Melanie for waiting so long! Glad to finally see it on the site!|
New! Entered: 2011-12-31
|It is great to see some of the developing relationship between Newt and Cloudfern. I also like seeing how sometimes VLWs don't go the way they were expected or even hoped to, but how the result is maybe even better.|