Comments on 'Rare Days'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2016-07-10
|I loved the line, "... there's always a chance that it won't be, so he never does."|
The first part was obviously a dream/memory/flashback, and then you think he's waking up in the middle, but the nightmare continues with what could be/what he would do. That was SO well done, it's often done so badly in movies and books. This was real!!
New! Entered: 2013-01-23
|It's the end that got me, "and he can feel himself smiling", because he *would* - even Cloudfern, it really drives home how horrific what he'd gone though was when that is where it leaves him in the end. That's the essence of the wound still being there. It'd certainly be interesting to see Cloudfern come up against the Fierce Ones, but for his sake... I'd rather not.|
Great work with the dream imagery, as others have said, and great work with the oppressive cold terror of it all. It's a good thing maybe that he doesn't remember them clearly...
New! Entered: 2012-12-27
|*shivers* Yes. Very effective writing. Poor, poor Cloudfern, that's aa terrible nightmare to have, especially repeatedly! The present tense was very well done. Especially, I thought, the fact that the first part of the first sentence was loosely in past tense, in the "had happened" sense, then it smoothly hauled me into the stream of events in a present-tense by the end of that sentence. :) I really did get the sense of a dream from your writing, the way images would be clear one moment, then flux and bend into something else, shifting like river water. Fleeting images, all-too-clear ones. Masterfully done! And poor Cloudfern -- smiling at that brutality like he was, I can imagine at least part of why he would feel nauseous when he woke!|
New! Entered: 2012-11-30
|Good job creating a dream-like atmosphere with this story, or should I say...nightmare-like. Even after I finished reading the story, I still had sort of a creepy feeling in my stomach. The story did give me some added respect for Cloudfern, knowing that he gets dreams like that and still manages to be a relatively easygoing elf!|
New! Entered: 2011-11-06
|Wow, this was intense ... I really like this reminder that Cloudfern is still very shaken by the events of his childhood, and with the humans so near, they must be crowding him on an unconscious level. Definitely got the dream feeling with the quick succession of seemingly unconnected images, and it's great that they are left open for the reader to interpret. Very effective use of the present tense, too! And yeah, I can only agree that on the one hand, it's good to see that Cloudfern is not powerless here but it's also disturbing to imagine him find joy in killing. I hope we'll never have to see that outside of his dreams!|
New! Entered: 2011-09-19
|Cloudfern and Greenweave are quite the pair, aren't they? Calm and loving on the surface, but both with such roiled depths! I like this look at what's going on beneath Cloudfern's exterior. It only makes sense that he's haunted by both the events of the past and, more to the point, his powerless during them. But I also like how his dream gives him agency through the use of his magic... yet the results of that are disturbing as well, not merely a triumph.|
New! Entered: 2011-08-27
|You really do a good job with your writing here of creating the feeling of a dream - disconnected images that we feel there should be some meaning to, but aren't apparent. It's always weird to me to think of plant-shaping as a weapon, although this reminds me of how effective it can be.|
New! Entered: 2011-08-22
|Sofia, this was so well-written. I'm glad to have some insight into Cloudy... glad to have him being written more and not just drawn. I think that his dreams show a side that we tend to forget - that he's fierce and a fighter!|
New! Entered: 2011-08-19
|I have already wondered how Cloudfern dealt with the cruel events of his childhood and how much those memories affect him nowadays. Thanks for the enlightment! :)|
Wonderful metaphoric way to deal with the situation and very plausible. In dreams you cannot escape your past.
I liked that you did not explain all the pictures but left the reader as unknowing as Cloudfern himself. (I am really curious about those blond and brown haired elves...)
The humans smashed by trees - plants! Those he can control. He would not feel as helpless now as he had as a child. Somehow a satisfactory ending, but also disturbing in its brutality!!! Wonderfully written!
New! Entered: 2011-08-11
|Usually I'm not a fan of the First-Person POV but here it works very well. We can see the whole things so to say through Cloudfern's eyes. Very good move on this. |
And else.. yeah ... It's scary.And I felt a shiver at the last part. With the humans and Cloudfern using his magic to fight them. It was a bit of a two-edge blade. On the one side it was good to see he could help himself here, to fight them off in his way, but in the other... how scary to think of gentle, chipper Cloudfern finding such pleasure in killing .. shivers.
And ...That den must be some kind of container for bad dreaming elves. First that scary nightmare from Greenweave now Cloudfern. I hope they don't dream sent :P
New! Entered: 2011-08-10
|Oh goodness, poor Cloudfern! Those dreams can be so unsettling, especially when you don't remember them when you wake up! Seeing your family and friends die must be the worst possible dreams ever :( It was well-written, and so detailed that I felt a shiver run down my spine. Wow!|