Comments on 'Too Quiet'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2015-09-10
I loved the different elves reactions!! The urge to cause trouble as revenge... leaving the Holt (you can't shun me if I'm not there! HA!)... making yourself invisible... feeling like you're a ghost... The outrage making Foxtail's issues that much worse... The suicidal despair... Keeping yourself busy... Loved every minute of it!!
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2011-09-20
It's interesting to see the different reactions to the shunning -- how Beetle's reaction is very different from Notch's, and even Foxtail's isn't quite like Notch's. It befits their personalities. (Although doesn't necessarily suggest that they learned the intended lesson!) Beetle's "experimental" approach was very fitting, and it was really effective to see how even she was worn down by it, by the end.
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-23
Shunning truly felt harsh and it was interesting to see Beetle, Foxtail and Notch's different reactions and methods of coping. And I'm usually more entertained than scared by ghost stories, but the mood of despair on Beetle's behalf made the tale of Blade the invisible very creepy to read.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2011-06-19
Wow, this was a terrific story - and terrifying. I guess I never thought that much about the effects the shunning might have. It's certainly a very hard punishment! And made all the worse by Crackle's story - it was almost cruel though it was unlucky that Beetle heard it after Crackle was so nice not to tell it somewhere where Foxtail might have heard her!

I liked seeing Beetle's scientific mind at work here but also that seeing it as an experiment was not enough to balance out the effects of the shunning. It all felt very real, even the thoughts of ending her life - though I felt angry at her for it, I can certainly understand how it can feel like everything else is unimportant.

I'm happy she made it through it, though!
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2011-06-18
Uff that was hard on my nerves. Very well written and he feel of growing loneliness was very strong here. The spice with Crackle's story was almost cruel to Beetle.

I found it very nice to see Beetle going into it as an experiment. But I would have wondered if she could have carried it to the end. I DO think sh learned to appreciate her tribe more. Like she said, the little things she took as granted before...

Yet .. yes. tHe thought of ending her live shocked me... still... as someone who herself suffers from depressions it felt very real for me. It's this tiny little moment that comes over you and grips you by the neck sucking all life out of you. I didn't sympathies with her no, but I think it wasn't meant like his. It more or less created this feeling of emptiness and frustration that well such thoughts do.

I was very glad she found out of it through.

Very well done.

(OMG I am such a bubbling person..)
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2011-06-17
The depiction of suicidal thoughts was something I debated. It wasn't something I inured in any effort to make Beetle seem sympathetic there, but more to show that very real aspect of loneliness or isolation... It is definitely frustrating when someone leans toward the extremes of depression for what ever reason - even if only for a moment, but I'm always happy for those same people when they come through it and remember there is more to life than the moment they are in.
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2011-04-01
I'm very glad to see you tackle how emotionally difficult a shunning punishment should be -- because yeah! It's meant to a real punishment. But I'll be honest with my feedback here: I would have rather have seen Beetle experience some character growth and learn something from the experience, rather than see her driven to thoughts of suicide. Her extreme reaction leaves me frustrated with her, instead of sympathetic.
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2011-03-26
Wow, you really managed to transfer the gowing loneliness and eeriness in this story. Somehow it was like watching someone going mad.
And I really liked how Beetle tried to make it an experiment at the beginning. That just sounded like her.
Great job!
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