Comments on 'As It Should Be'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-12-13
This is great! I really am impressed with how tightly you kept to the format of each verse, and yet it was anything but forced. It's not often I see a poem so neatly kept that flows so very well at the same time! On top of that, you very clearly expressed Dreamflight's grievances, in a way that does not exactly say she's automatically right about everything, but still makes her very sympathetic to read about here. It's interesting to see her reaction to Greenweave and Cloudfern especially, and their adoption of Newt.
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2012-07-04
Wonderful summary of Dreamflights endless self-pity and wonderfully executed! I can so imagine how she sits somewhere with a pout mentally listing all the injustices done to her.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2011-11-03
Yeah, I'd like to see a sequel to this, in a sense. This definitely captures Dreamflight at a certain period in her life -- and I like how the repetition almost gives the sense of her being trapped within a cycle of the same thoughts going around and around, and making her miserable.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2011-07-27
I think there might be more to this poem as Dreamflight gets to know Newt, as Honey (hopefully) grows, and as Dreamflight and Greenweave (hopefully) grow closer...
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-23
I like the flow of this, with the repetitive ends of each paragraph anchoring the poem in the core of Dreamflight's troubles. Very well written!
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2011-06-22
Poor Dreamflight. She really must feel left alone, yet this was no one's fault and yet the fault of all of them. I hope to see them growing together at last a little again. :(
Heidi Henderson
New! Entered: 2011-06-18
This poem does a great job of summing up Dreamflight's feelings toward these events in her life. I really hope, that as time passes, she'll have less sadness toward these and other events.
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2011-06-04
Your range of talent is always impressive, Lyn! Dreamflight's self-pity is unfortunately her defining feature -- it'll be nice to see her eventually grow out of it!
Kyna Hansen
New! Entered: 2010-06-18
I really liked this. I'm not much of a poet or fan of poetry, so for me to comment suggests that I think you did a really good job.
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