Comments on 'Tempests'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2015-11-07
I loved the last part best when One-Leg told her that she would be acting Chief for the time being. Foxtail's reaction of "The Future is Now" scared her ~ but then the green glint of her eyes as her whole being RISES to the occasion. Despite her immaturity, despite her past arguments ~ she IS who and what she'll be! I also appreciate GOLDSPICE rising to the occasion ~ acting like a Chief. It is in her blood, too! She could SO easily be chief herself if Riskrunner didn't die before Easysinger! ... You have glider blood, plant shaping blood, healing blood, rock shaping blood... Glad the Chief Blood is running true in a few elves!!
Larissa Johnston
New! Entered: 2012-03-05
Whoa... What a story. I love how you write such intense emotions, this one had me getting teary in a couple parts. The end was definately perfect, I think you can see that events really did have an impact on Foxtail where just words did not.
Whitney Ware
New! Updated: 2012-02-20
My inspiration for this fic was simple. Poor Whispersilk has had several owners, but no one who really DID anything with her. In many ways, she and her sister Nightstorm were duplicating roles within the tribe, and Whispersilk unfortunately was just the less interesting and less developed of the two sisters. So when Whispersilk went NPC again during a time where we had other NPCs also available for adoption, I think the Council had to make a difficult but ultimately responsible decision: kill off a surplus NPC. Doing so would give all of her surviving friends and family members story fodder to work with, and in the long-range. It would also effectively work to let members know that the Council WOULD be willing to kill characters! It added a dose of reality to our game world, I think. Plus... I just LOVE me the chance to write a "bait and switch" story, where the reader is led to believe a fic is all about going in one direction, before everything gets turned on its ear. ::just imagine a little devil emoticon here...:: Finally... just another thing about this story which was enjoyable for me while writing it: our club is just so serial an experience. We get to see characters grow and change (for the positive or for the negative), and every single fic has the potential to advance one (or multiple!) development agendas. This was a fun story in that it reallly got to cover some ground with Foxtail's whole family dynamic, while tackling Windburn's as well. I really, really enjoyed working with Windburn in this, and in giving a bit more of a snapshot of how he feels about his position as chief.
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-07-01
It's all or nothing with Foxtail, isn't it? Couldn't see the branch of peace her father was reaching out with and threw it back in his face *sigh* But I liked that - the conflict between the two makes sense when the people fighting can't understand one another. If I ever live to see Foxtail become chief, I do hope she's grown up a lot more or the tribe will suffer.

Speaking of growing up, I really think the death of Whispersilk (which had a wonderfully chilling build-up, with her walking along and talking and then bam!) might have triggered something in Foxtail. And poor Windburn; losing part of your soul hurts and this story really showed that.
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2011-02-18
Woah... O_O You totally ran the gamut with this story, didn'tcha??? The entire thing from nose to tailtip is PERFECT! And there One-Leg goes again with his attitude, making me laugh even though the Chief is crouched over Whispersilk's body... 'close enough to be interesting'! Heh!

I'm honestly surprised no one else has commented on this yet -- my absolute, unquestioning, without-a-doubt favorite part: Whispersilk's hands on Foxtail's back at that key moment.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2010-07-05
You did a fantastic job with this, Whit -- which is something I would only expect, when you tackle these emotional pieces. :) I really liked the way the story seemed at first to be about something else, the ongoing problems between chief and heir -- and I thought the confrontation in the storage dens was very well done in the way it showed WHY Windburn hesitates to think his daughter is suited to being chief. His objections really don't seem unreasonable, and the tragedy so far is that Foxtail truly doesn't understand what those objections *are*.

Unlike some other readers... I actually wasn't sure that Whispersilk and Foxtail were truly having a breakthrough, near the end. Whispersilk's counsel was wise, and it did seem like she was making more of an effort to try to help her daughter see... but then Foxtail's response, right before events took a hard left turn, made me feel like all that good advice was sailing right over her head. But then, the tragedy is that we'll never know... or, perhaps, that it took something that awful to cement even part of what Whispersilk was trying to tell her into her head.
Trena Driessen
New! Entered: 2010-06-19
It's so nice to see this - not only Foxtail's reaction and her growing up a little - but the depth of feeling from Windburn for his lifemate! It wasn't something that was always at the forefront! Beautiful job .. poor Whispersilk ...
Vicki Stephenson
New! Entered: 2010-06-07
I'm struggling with words after reading such a powerful story. First off, I loved Windburn's memories about the storage room and the symbols. Though I was surprised when he turned down Foxtail's seemingly well-reasoned request, it did make sense to me that he wanted her to take the storage dens seriously. I was frustrated when Foxtail threw it back at him. I was enjoying Whispersilk's wise council when the shocking tragedy occurred! Foxtail's decision to sit outside and watch over her father in the biting cold shows that she is taking her mother's words to heart and she's choosing to put someone else ahead of herself. I have real hope for Foxtail maturing a lot after this. I mostly feel sorry for little Cinder. How awful for him to not have the chance to grow up with his mother. But it's a good thing Foxtail was holding him and not Whispersilk.
Kyna Hansen
New! Entered: 2010-06-04
This was an amazing story. Probably the most emotional one for me to date, not necessarily because I really cared about Whispersilk (I wasn't as attached to her as a character as compared to others in the tribe), but because of Cinder. Now that I have a baby, anything to do with babies puts a little lump in my throat and the eyes start to moisten.

This was extremely well done, with all the different viewpoints, especially between Foxtail and her father, and Notch. I have to say, though Foxtail is at the center of all this, Notch's character steals the limelight and I really am wondering what are his intentions for the future.
Heidi Henderson
New! Entered: 2010-06-03
This is so sad -- you are the master of tear-jerkers, Whit. And I agree with what the others have said, that the most tragic part of this is that mother and daughter were seemingly about to have a breakthrough moment.
Reyes L.
New! Entered: 2010-05-31
;____; So sad for Foxtail and Cinder to no longer have a mama.

At least Windburn didn't lose his mind with the loss of Whispersilk. I don't think the tribe could have taken something like that. DX
Angie Cousins
New! Entered: 2010-05-31
You already know how incredibly powerful I find this story but now I'll go on public record. :) It shows all the parts of the little family, not making judgment calls and showing them warts and beauty marks and all. I definitely got choked up at the pain displayed in the last section and the little details that make it so real. Personally, too, the could-have-been of Whispersilk and Foxtail really gut-punched me even though I watched you build the story. So many juicy bits to contemplate.
Leonie Jonk
New! Entered: 2010-05-31
I feel that Whispersilk died to soon. It was a character I enjoyed even if she was a bit less outgoing then most. I have to agree that it's extra sad that she dies at a moment where she seems to get closer to her daughter :(
Hannah Bochart
New! Entered: 2010-05-30
Oh god, suspecting this was coming doesn't make it any easier! How very, very well done. I can't say how much I appreciate you dedication to realism. Sure these are elves in our fantasy world, but even here life can get in the way of the perfect script. How suddenly you end it all here is just exquisite, no room for wordy farewells or dramatic effect. You fluidly follow this story through to its end, leaving me with a lump in my throat.

NOTE: Yay for championing Goldspice. One of our tribe's most remote member taking stepping up to the plate and taking charge is a joy to see. Bravo!
Chrissy W.
New! Entered: 2010-05-30
I just finished reading the story and I'm crying. It's so sad and tragic that Whispersilk is daying in the moment of her life she and her daughter get a chance to become closer. Little Cinder will never feel the warmth of his mother again and Windburn lost the other part of himself. I wonder how the life of the little chief family will go one. Whit, you have a real gift to write stories :)
Megan McCarthy
New! Entered: 2010-05-29
You have such an eloquent writing style, Whitney - this was beautifully done, and you really feel the varying degrees of grief felt by everyone present. The ending was especially well done; it serves as closure to the conversation that Foxtail and Whispersilk had earlier, even though the latter was not there to hear it. I really wonder how Windburn and Foxtail's relationship will change after this.
Linda Aarts
New! Entered: 2010-05-29
Oh, goodness, such grief, while I believe we saw our first real mother-daughter moment between Whispersilk and Foxtail. Such misfortune, while I was almost starting to believe that Whispersilk had a chance of really penetrating Foxtail's mind. Her last line to One-Leg is fairly comforting, though, in line of Foxtail's maturing (hopefully). It's so horrible it takes something like this to spark it, though :(
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2010-05-29
I agree. I really love Foxtail's last line. It shows that maybe, hopefully Whispersilk had get through to her. What a sad, fantastic story Whitney. I admire your talent to write fights. The whole story long I wanted to shake Foxtail but also saw that Windburn and her didn't give themselves anything... Really great!

It feels so unreal to know Whispersilk is... *sigh*
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2010-05-29
Whoah ...
I think it's especially tragic that Whispersilk and Foxtail were sharing that moment just before the tragedy - I don't think we have seen mother and daughter like this before. I liked how it shows that Whispersilk is more aware of who Foxtail is than Foxtail knew. That last line shows it obviously had its effects on her. Maybe this will serve to let Foxtail do some of the growing-up she needs to do?
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2010-05-29
I won't spoil the story here w/ my comments on the major event... *sniffles*
I really like Foxtail's line at the end, and how it reflects her understanding of what her mother was trying to say, and how others didn't have that context and didn't understand.
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