Comments on 'Shadowplay'
Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!
New! Entered: 2011-06-30
|As I've said in comment to other stories, I adore Crackle's imagination and ghost tales. That said, it's nice to see the consequences of being so wrapped up in one's own world. Both Fadestar and she felt like real children, easily scared by their own ideas and Quick Fang being the one to defuse it, as well as Crackle not being immediately accepting of Fadestar, was very interesting.|
New! Entered: 2011-06-24
|Oh, this was great! I liked this reminder that the elves emerging from wrapstuff are something none of the elves ever had to deal with before - strangers. Crackle is trying to make sense of it in her own, unique way - and is scaring herself silly in the process. I also liked that Fadestar was able to discern that Crackle was afraid even though she didn't know the reason. Her interaction with Nightstorm showed so well that kids often notice things the adults don't see. And it was really formidable to see Quick Fang of all elves stand up for Fadestar!|
New! Entered: 2011-02-09
|It's great to see the tug of war between these two, very tense at times. You capture the scene so well. I love how Crackle's imagination works, and how vividly you write it. I'd say 'poor Fadestar', but she's showing a pretty good backbone herself, and I'm glad! I like how Rill is described, and just love the way that Quick Fang, of all the elves, acts as a mediator. Can't wait to see how this friendship progresses!|
New! Updated: 2010-05-17
|This is really an amazing story -- I think it's great that not everything between the "new" kids and the "old" kids is sunshine-and-light, and that Crackle is wary and even frightened of the strange things that happened to Fadestar. I also thought this was fascinating, to see how "mean" Crackle was willing to be to this tribemate... underscoring that Fadestar might be Crackle's tribemate in fact, but at this point in time, Crackle hasn't accepted that in her heart. It's a good reminder that such a thing really isn't just automatic. And finally, as usual -- damn, but Crackle's imagination is CREEPY!|
New! Entered: 2010-04-23
|It's wonderful to see one of the "new" kids interacting with the "old" kids of the tribe! And as rewarding as it is to see Fadestar stick up for herself, I think my favorite thing about this fic is just how *scary* Crackle can be. Fabulous work here, Joan!!|
New! Entered: 2010-04-23
|Fantastic work here telling the story within the story, too! My favorite part was Quick Fang letting Fadestar care for Rill... and standing up for Fadestar... whom she once teased/left behind. |
I think Crackle definitely needs a serious talking to or two. It's one thing to be creative, and another thing to be cruel... but I think you also touched upon some very real feelings and thoughts that she is having. The elves coming out of wrapstuff are ALL strangers to her. Their scent, their place in the tribe... all are threatening to her. She has to make sense of it somehow. Great work.
New! Entered: 2010-04-09
|Joan I love how you handle Kids. I like the flow and the interaction here and I have to agree. This is a nice demonstration of "Children can be so cruel". Even if I know Crackle didn't mean to be mean... I also like how you get QuickFang in and Nightstorm. It's good to know Fadestar had those in her back. |
Lemme add as well I LOVE Crackle's imagination here and .. like Nightstorm said, that it is possible for her to scare herself with her stories.
New! Entered: 2010-04-05
|Oh, what a well-done tale! I loved the very real interaction between the two girls, how true to the cruelty children can have without meaning it. I love seeing Fadestar stand up for herself, not to mention the interaction between her and her old, now-grown childhood friend. Very nice!|