Comments on 'The First Step'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2015-09-15
I could see this as if in a movie in my mind's eye! I love the present day descriptions, then the flashbacks, then the present day, then the flashbacks, etc.! Very, very well done!!
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-26
What a beginning! I really felt the story gave a clear sense of the tribe's over all mood and the major things that happened after Windburn's decision. Enjoyed reading this a lot!
Peggy B.
New! Entered: 2010-06-19
Wow, a very nice introduction into the word hunt. Great how you cut the flow by inserting former conversations. I like most how you briefly depict the emotions of so many elves.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2010-03-09
This was very well-written! I enjoyed seeing Evervale's perspective through it all. I couldn't help but feel badly for Foxtail and Notch, though, since Beetle was accepted and they were not.
Heidi Henderson
New! Entered: 2010-02-17
I love, love, love how you structured this. The layering of the flashbacks with the events happening on that day meshed together well, and we're left with a good look at the big picture of what's happening with the whole tribe when the big news is announced.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2010-01-26
Wow, Joan, I really admire you for handling all that! There is so much going on, and you connected the back and forth between the council and the departure so well!

I really love this solution for the human problem, that doesn't happen often in holts. Windburn is really wise ^^.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2010-01-26
Good job juggling all of this, Joan! I really liked the structure of going back and forth from the present to the council in the past -- a reminder that even when we know where we *are*, how we got there is still an interesting story. There was a nice little sense of suspense to the scenes in the past, even though we could kind of tell from the scenes in the present what had happened overall.
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2010-01-26
That was very effective written Joan. I love how striking you managed to make the breaks of the flash back and relate it to the current situation.

Great character interaction and showing as well. Everyone seems very in-character. I like this story as a example how the tribe's dynamic works and Windburn is very wise in here.
It has a very hopeful note and I really like the flow of it.
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