Comments on 'Just a Little Longer'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2016-09-09
The foreshadowing in this story is intense! Well, hunt leaders were all insufferable cubs once upon a time, right?? And the knowledge that life is uncertain.. Yes it is, Hawkcall, yes it is...
Lea R.
New! Entered: 2014-12-10
Ouch, this story hurts, when you know that Hawkcall won't have a chance to meet his son... And one has to wonder what sort of an Elf Farscout would have been with a father in his life.
But I liked the story overall. The banter between the two brothers is as funny as it is interesting. It tells me so much about the Tribe's dynamics at this time. And young Ash behaves so impossibly arrogant; I think he was really hard to handle at this age. (Not that he's much better now, but I think he mellowed a little bit...)
Emberra Owen
New! Entered: 2012-01-20
This story is so heart wrenching, because you know what happens if you read the story just before this in the timeline you know what happens, and its so sad. Though I have to admit, its really cute (if you ignore what happens) that as an expectant father is distracted by his coming child even while he's on a hunt.
Joanne P.
New! Entered: 2011-08-16
A very poignant story about life not going the way we expect it to. We grieve for Hawkcall never getting to know the son he was so looking forward to, and for Farscout never having such a loving and devoted father.

And for Blacksnake not having to wait longer to be hunt leader. ;)
Razzle C.
New! Updated: 2011-08-11
Awwww, this was so sad, in context of the fact that Hawkcall never got to see his son born! *grin* Though, I must admit, it set very, very well against the comic relief aspect of Ash acting almost *exactly* like he does now as the Blacksnake we all know and love. ;) Believe me, my mother is an almost exact match for Blacksnake in personality, and this was a VERY realistic look at him as a young elf! I was particularly amused at him bristling at being called cub -- one example after the other of *him* dishing that out flashed through my mind. ;) The bantering sends between Hawkcall and Snaptwig were also great, and I loved how they kept getting interrupted with Hawkcall's expectant-father daydreaming. *cue dreamlike music* Heheh. I loved "Oh, was I doing it again?" Poor Hawkcall! At least he got to know his cub would be a boy! *sniffle*
Megan McCarthy
New! Entered: 2011-07-15
This is such a cute story, but with a layer of sadness, since we all know Hawkcall never got to see the son he was waiting for. Here he seems like a bit of a father figure to Ash though, so at least Ash has those memories to share.
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-19
Ouch, this hurt – and I mean that as a compliment! You portray Hawkcall as such a dedicated father-to-be, yet give him enough other personality traits to make him come alive. And that just makes knowing how it all ended for him the more painful and moving.

Young Blacksnake's attitude was amusing and, from what little I know of him, being a new member and all, fitting; I can clearly see a connection from his time as Ash to the “present” Elder. And Snaptwig's comments were a lot of fun to read!
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2010-05-05
So touching to read about Farscout's father, and Hawkcall's relationship with his own brother and young Blacksnake! The urgency for him in waiting for his son is touching, especially knowing that Hawkcall never got to hold him.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2010-01-19
This was a fascinating look at Hawkcall, really making him stand out as his own person -- someone self-confident, ambitious, with his own rivalries with others. I really liked that; it helps to make him more than just "the dad that Farscout never knew", which is something that could be over-idealized. I also like how you've contrasted him with his brother Snaptwig -- another ancestor I've always liked, whom we've seen too little of. I really liked here how they come across as very different, but still loving brothers. And for me, of course, getting to see their view of Blacksnake as a snotty young thing too big for his britches is the icing on the cake. ;-) Excellent job!
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2010-01-15
Aww, this is very bittersweet because we know that Hawkcall never has seen his son :(.

But I liked having a look at him and Snaptwig, and young Blacksnake! The hunt is a great background for the conversation between Snaptwig and Hawkcall ^^.
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2010-01-15
:( The last line was really a punch in the guts, Mike. Honestly it only showed how cruel destiny can be. Great job. Very strong in the end.

It really makes me sad Hawkcall never got to see his cub *sigh* I wonder how Farscout would have developed with this father at his side. I really like this look at Hawkcall and Snapwing. It's so nice to see the joy and the "background"-hunt is great ^^
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