Comments on 'Fourth'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management.  Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a negative comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally.  On the other hand, genuine personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Submitted ByComment
Ingrid G.
New! Entered: 2015-10-11
What I loved most about this story ~ The buildup was exquisite and slow. Windburn almost seemed bored (well, physically "bored" with waiting around). And then the death was SO QUICK! Fletcher passed seconds, or a minute at most, after he was unwrapped. Reminds me of the ER when they bring someone in a second too late and how the nurses must feel. :(
Beth K.
New! Entered: 2014-08-30
Very moving scene, and incredibly well-written. The pacing is great, I love the slow and steady lead-up in Windburn's thoughts over the unwrapping events. The preparations are great, and by the time the action is taking place I think the readers are scrambling just as much as the elves were to figure out what happened - and possibly with the same sense of wilful disbelief until the finality really hits. This was a really emotional read.
Razzle C.
New! Entered: 2012-04-07
Wow... I agree, Windburn's POV worked out really well here. I loved the bit near the end about the spirits brushing, too; fitting for telepathic elves! I also loved how you made use of Windburn's understandable trepidation to foreshadow, without actually giving away, the ending to the story for any reader who DOESN'T already know what's coming. Willow being angry at her chief, even if it was in the back of her mind just then, I also found interesting. Did that cause any later doubts about the cause of her failure with Fletcher, I wonder? Though I really don't thiunk she could have succeeded otherwise... This is a great story! :)
Emberra Owen
New! Entered: 2012-01-19
This is a good story. I think its a little bit morbid in a way, but I think that its good to show that one of the elves in wrapstuff died, it keeps Willow from becoming one of those super powerful characters. It was well written, and I liked how it showed who all was in the room while Fletcher was being healed.
Sofia Lindström
New! Entered: 2011-06-30
Even though I knew what would happen, the build-up was wonderfully painful - I just knew it was all going to go down hill and when it did, it hit me in the gut. I must immediately go read the next story in this plotline!
Whitney Ware
New! Entered: 2010-02-06
Scary stuff here -- I like how well you show the slide from near-complacency into fright here, it's very effective!
Vicki Stephenson
New! Entered: 2010-01-12
Well done, Heidi. I enjoyed seeing the unwrapping ritual before it began. But it was heart-wrenching to watch it go so wrong. In re-reading the story "Fletcher" I can understand why she couldn't heal him. The story said he all but bled out. He was in really bad shape. Poor Willow... she did all she could, but I this will set her back. And now Farscout will be even more nervous about unwrapping his beloved.
Holly H.
New! Entered: 2010-01-11
Good job on this one! I thought this came out well as a short, intense piece that puts readers in the shoes of the watching elves, who are left with a sense of shock and mystery about what happened.

I feel badly for Fletcher -- not quite doomed from the start, but doomed early on in the planning to suffer the illustrate role in proving that having a healer again doesn't mean that nobody can die. Poor guy! And the fact that we didn't know him much beyond a face and name and outline kind of makes it feel, again, like we are in the shoes of many in the current tribe -- we never got to know him, and now never truly will.
Lyn Cavalier
New! Entered: 2009-12-22
What a haunting, beautiful piece. Windburn's POV is perfect for this story. You wrote his description of Willow and her struggle so well.
*tears up* Poor Fletcher.
Mareike Heilemann
New! Entered: 2009-12-21
*shiver* This story was intense ... I agree with Mel that it was great to look at it from the outside this time. And the whole atmosphere was just haunting, ending with that finality of the last sentence.
Linda Aarts
New! Updated: 2009-12-21
Oh my goodness. I knew what was going to happen, but the story caught me off guard nevertheless. A chill ran down my spine as Fletcher was declared dead... Poor Willow! Poor loved ones. Beautifully written, Heidi ;).
Melanie D.
New! Entered: 2009-12-21
:( Oh boy. I knew that would come but reading it is really hard. It's so heartbreaking how they all are full of pleasant anticipation but than ......
I really like how it is told out of Windburns POV this time. Each unwarping is so individual and I think it's the first time we see the unwarping from "outside".
I like the reactions especially of Blacksnake. It really stood out to me. And .. poor poor Willow :( I feel for her.
*sniff* and Poor One-Leg I bet his den will look very lonely and empty after this :(
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